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“This guy has emotional problems.”
-Barbara Walters talking about the 61st Speaker of the House John Boehner after weepy interview with “60 Minutes” in 2010

“It’s like that old story – you can’t keep snakes in your backyard and expect them only to bite your neighbors. Eventually those snakes are going to turn on whoever has them in the backyard.”
-Hillary Clinton

“I would say that I am more into politics now than I was in ’92. Yeah, I was mesmerized a little bit by the access he offered me — like total access. ‘Come on down,’ you know? ‘Go out drinkin’ with Hillary.’ Yeah, they did a good job on me. But I was set on beating Bush. I thought we were going to beat Bush at the Iran-Contra hearings, and I worked overtime. He was guilty as fifteen hyenas, and he got off, and it really bothered me. So I would have been for anybody in ’92, just to beat Bush. And that’s a dangerous trap to fall into — you know, the lesser of two evils.”
-Hunter S. Thompson, Writing on the Wall: An Interview with Hunter S. Thompson, August 26, 1997

MEMO FROM THE NATIONAL AFFAIRS DESK
DATE: SEPTEMBER 27, 2015
FROM: DR. KURT G. DOONESBURY
SUBJECT: BOEHNER CALLS IT QUITS: WHAT TO EXPECT… & HILLARY’S POLITICAL HIT MAN: FROM COG IN THE REPUBLICAN SLEAZE MACHINE TO CLINTON GUARD DOG… INTER ALIA

What a weird week for Politics, Stan. The Pope came to America and John Boehner cried and give up his job like it was alcohol for Lent or his concerns for melanoma. It was as if he suddenly realized he was powerless in the eyes of the LORD… and in the eyes of the Republican Voters. There was much celebrating going on from both sides of the political spectrum at the announcement of Boehner’s resignation. Why not? Those on the Left didn’t need much of a reason to not like the guy simply because he was a Republican. And those on the Right didn’t like him because he wasn’t Republican enough. So why not take some jabs at him on Social Media?

Jokes about how Willy Wonka just got another Oompa Loompa or if the Vols ever need to replace Smokey, they now have an opportunity for an ersatz mascot, are a hoot. And we should enjoy them now while it’s all still a joke. For me, the joke stopped being funny when I realized, O! Holy Shit, Ted Cruz is gloating and this is exactly what the Far-Right want… and that is never a good sign. Whatever your stance on Politics and/or your feelings about the Speaker of the House, he was at least the life-line bridging the gap between complete Tea Party nihilism and the frayed remnants of the Party’s common sense and decency. Now he has cut that line…. And time will only tell who’s left hanging on the other end to fill the void.

But, why should Ted Cruz be gloating? Well, unlike Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina who say they would cut funding for Planned Parenthood and support a shutdown, neither of them are in the position to actually do it. And it is unlikely that one of them will ever be in the position to do so. But Cruz is, and we don’t have to go that far back in History to see what lengths he is willing to go to stop funding he doesn’t like. In 2013, he spearheaded the Gov’t Shutdown— the political equivalent of taking your expensive toys and going home because the other kids don’t want to play your silly game— when it got stuck in his craw that his Government was spending money on funding the Affordable Care Act (a.k.a., ObamaCare). And the Canadian-born Cruz has a lot to gain from a Government Shutdown this time around. He is pulling 6th place with the candidates at ~6.5%, 2.8% behind Marco Rubio, and demonstrating to the Republican constituency that his balls and bible weigh roughly the same might just be the boost his campaign needs. No more being left on the sidelines as he was when Kim Davis was released from jail… But Boehner isn’t gone yet.

Boehner stated today that he still has to “clean the barn up a little bit before the next person gets here.” And besides Planned Parenthood, there is still the legislative tasks of planning funding for the government for the next year, raising the debt ceiling, funding the Ex-Im bank, a transportation infrastructure bill, various tax extenders essential to the business community and the re-authorization of the Federal Aviation Administration. And whether that is something that can be completed in the next month before his Oct. 30th departure remains to be seen.

But, who will this “next person” be?

In all likelihood, it will be Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy and that would be a safe bet if you were putting down some money on this. Not sure who that guy is? Well, don’t feel bad. Many don’t. He isn’t all that exciting. But, what he is known for is that no one really dislikes him while at the same time no one really likes him, either. He is comparable to the guy in High School that you had Physical Science with… and maybe U.S. History, you’re not sure, but you can’t remember his name nor anything about him for that matter. Though, Rep. McCarthy did celebrate Kate Upton’s 21st birthday with her Uncle Republican Rep. Fred Upton. So, I guess he has that going for him at the very least.

That’s the safe, sane bet on this. But, if we were going to go for the Far-Right, nutso route, you should keep on eye on Rep. Steve Scalise, who you might remember as the guy that gave a speech to a group of White Supremacists and opposed making Martin Luther King, Jr. Day a holiday in his home state of Louisiana. The kind of guy that would be right at home in a Trump or Cruz presidency. Due to their 246 to 188 majority, whoever the Republican Party chooses to endorse they will have no trouble getting their man (or woman, but most likely man) as long as they stay unified. But, I wouldn’t hold my breath when it comes to that.


HILLARY’S POLITICAL HIT MAN: FROM COG IN THE REPUBLICAN SLEAZE MACHINE TO CLINTON GUARD DOG

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Nothing says “Young & Conservative” like a bow tie and glasses…

During the earlier ’90s David Brock was a one-man, Fox News-esque, hit-team for the Republican Party. And in less than a decade had a change of heart. Like Rep. McCarthy can be compared to the kid that people only sort of remember from High School, Brock can be compared to the kid who eventually found Jesus and gave up his Wild Ways. But, instead of Jesus, Brock found Hillary Clinton.

Going back to a time before finding Salvation through Hillary, Brock made a name for himself not only by character-assassinating Anita Hill, who had accused now U.S. Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas of sexual misconduct when she worked under him at the Department of Education and the EEOC, but by also going after Hillary’s husband Bill Clinton. Brock came after Clinton in the conversation magazine American Spectator in 1993. The story later become known as the Troopergate, a scandal involving two Arkansas State Troopers who arranged sexual liaisons and the transportation of a woman by the name of “Paula” for then Gov. Bill Clinton. The woman ended up being Paul Jones and she successfully sued President Clinton and settled for $850,000. Granted, she only got $200,000 as the rest went to her legal fees. Brock insisted at the time that the State Troopers, in order to maintain journalistic integrity, were not paid for their stories…. But he later admitted that they were each given $6,700 after the articles were published.

Brock had rightfully earned a name for himself as the Party’s Hit Man. But, he soon realized that no one really wants to be friends with a guy who destroys people for a living… and he is gay. A deep-purple depression hit him and he found himself alone out in California when they came calling again for him to do his dirty work. Free Press, then a conservative subsidiary of Simon & Schuster, tossed a million dollars his way and gave him a year to write what they envisioned as another bestselling, character-killing book. And they wanted it to be about Hillary Clinton. What they got instead was The Seduction of Hillary Rodham, a rather a somewhat sympathetic biography of the wife of the man he once set out to ruin. He also admitted that the stories were written not as “serious journalism” nor “in the interest of good government” but rather just to smear Clinton’s name through the mud for the Greater Good of the Republican Party. He also personally apologized to Anita Hill for trashing her name when she was only trying to show what a scumbag Judge Thomas was and probably still is to this day. The American Spectator fired him and he lost his salary of $300,000 per year.

What’s this guy doing now, you might ask. Well, ho ho, he is working for Hillary Clinton and trying to protect her from the kind of person he once was. And why not? Who would be better at that job than someone who used to be paid good money to do just that.

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Any time you hear a Politician calling for Hillary’s emails, he and a team of young idealists working for Hillary are writing that guy’s office, demanding that he release his emails. Or if someone mentions Benghazi and Hillary on the air, he has an email in his Drafts folder ready and waiting to be sent containing a document outlining the Facts. It is almost as if he was trained under by Nixon himself for such clandestine work. The Republican Party created a monster and he fell into the Enemy’s Hands. And all they could do was sit back and watch as he destroyed Lou Dobb’s career at CNN and ran off sponsors for Rush Limbaugh and writes page long editorials in defense of anything negative said about his Hillary Clinton. In his fight to protect Hillary, any fight is as if the Republicans (and Democrats) are showing up to a gun fight with a plastic knife. Because he has been hardened on the front lines and knows your next move, and it’s child play compared to what he has done before.

Politics, not for the weak of heart.

Ciao,
Dr. K.G. Doonesbury