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“Do as adversaries do in law, —
Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.”
~Tranio, Taming of the Shrew, scene II

“And I went unto the angel, and said unto him, Give me the little book. And he said unto me, Take it, and eat it up; and it shall make thy belly bitter, but it shall be in thy mouth sweet as honey. And I took the little book out of the angel’s hand, and ate it up; and it was in my mouth sweet as honey: and as soon as I had eaten it, my belly was bitter.”
~The Book of Revelations, 10:9-10

MEMO FROM THE NATIONAL AFFAIRS DESK

DATE: SEPTEMBER 13, 2015
FROM: KURT G. DOONESBURY
SUBJECT: SHREWD POLITICS, HUCKABEE’S STRANGE BEDFELLOWS, AND OTHER LATE NIGHT RAMBLINGS

It’s after midnight and I can’t sleep. The light from the Mormon Church outside my window shines in on my face at night. That’s normal. Maybe I had one too many coffees today. And that’s also normal. In general, I can’t fall asleep at a decent hour. My brain just won’t shut off and runs wild until my body quits on me. But who would blame me? Who in their right mind could sleep at night knowing people like Kim Davis are being paraded about as heroes and that wild wolves are roaming parts of Saxony devouring sheep. Not me, that’s for sure.

And maybe it’s my fault for trying to play catch-up on a week’s worth of news in one single day. It was more lunacy and injudiciousness than my noggin could handle and now I’m paying the price…. I can’t close my eyes without seeing that schmuck Mike Huckabee and Joe Davis, Kim’s second (2nd) and fourth (4th) husband and once adoptive father of the children who were a product of an affair she had with another man (husband number three [3]) during her first (1st) marriage, dressed as a scarecrow. Huckabee and fellow rival Ted Cruz arrived in Kentucky on Tuesday to show their support for Kim Davis, who was thrown in jail for refusing the Judge’s order for her to do her job and issue same-sex marriage licenses, regardless of her religious beliefs. When the Judge released her, Huckabee was there saying that, as a nation, we can’t let the Supreme Court tell us what is legal and what is illegal. That, according to him, we can’t stand idly by while these tyrants take our Freedom and basic constitutional rights away. That is, of course, unless you are homosexual. And for Huckabee, that means you have no Rights. But, you can’t take this man seriously. He still believed until just this week that Dred Scott v. Sandford was still the “Law of the Land”, as he put it, and therefore Blacks could not be American Citizens. But, this isn’t the first time Huckabee has been wrong nor the first time he has fallen in with the wrong crowd.

WTF2015

“Janet and I are in Japan this week where I’ll be speaking on several college campuses, meeting with business leaders, and meeting with government officials, some of whom I know from previous trips here during my tenure as Governor. We are delighted at the warm welcome we’ve already received and especially amazed at the depth at which people in Japan follow the American elections.”
~Mike Huckabee, Huck PAC blog post from 2008

JAPAN, 2012:
Mike Huckabee, after withdrawing his bid for the presidency in 2008, traveled to Japan that same year to fill his time before starting a job at Fox News. While there, he was photographed with the now Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. It was to Abe’s surprise when this photo was later thrown in his face four years later and it demanded of him to explain what in the hell he was doing with goddamn Yakuza money man Icchu Nagamoto, who had ties to the Yamaguchi-gumi, Japan’s largest yakuza syndicate, and been arrested for violating money lending laws. The PM was shocked. He didn’t know this man from Adam. “That was one of Huckabee’s friends! He invited him. I thought he was his guide or interpreter. They got along so well— I swear on my family’s Honor that I only agreed to be photographed with him because he was Huckabee’s friend and guest!”¹

This looked bad on Huckabee’s part, real bad. He and his communications director Sylvester Smith are reported to have had many late night phone calls from Japan in private and many have also claimed to have seen Janet looking rather shaken in the months that followed. When asked a bit more about the strange state Janet was in, all anyone could say was that she kept muttering something about “Pinkies are going to fly” or “Surely, we can get gloves made for just four fingers.” She settled down a bit once Smith came out and stated that the event where the photo was taken was set up by a third party and that the Japanese PM was indeed in the dark about who Nagamoto was… and for that matter, so was Huckabee, he added at the end. When asked who that third party was, Smith got real quiet and started sweating profusely. Some even say they could see him scratching his little finger as he declined to answer that.

But this wasn’t Big News in America and very few people still to this day know about this Scandal in Japan with one of our current Presidential Candidates. Maybe it is because no one would be all that surprised or shocked. After all, the man was an employee of Keith “Queen” Murdoch, aka Rupert Murdoch, for many years, is openly hated by Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, and has been photographed with other controversial people, such as Brian Camenker the head of MassResistance, a social conservative activist group that has been classified as a “Hate Group” by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

In the end, I guess the Nation can’t be too surprised that he is crawling into bed with Kim Davis since, when you compare her with the other people he’s friends with, she is just more of the same. And if Huckabee wants to take her place in jail, as he has stated he would gladly do, I’d be OK with that. It wouldn’t help his chances of becoming the next President of the United States, but, hell, it also wouldn’t hurt his chances any more than they already are.

Ciao and schlaf gut,
KGD


¹Translated from Official Government transcripts. Transcription courtesy of the Avalon Project at Yale Law School.