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MEMO FROM THE NATIONAL AFFAIRS DESK

DATE: AUGUST 22, 2015
FROM: KURT G. DOONESBURY
SUBJECT: TROUBLE BREWING DOWN SOUTH, THE OTHER EMAIL SCANDAL & DRINKS AT THE BAR, “THAT CANDIDATE WITH THE COTTON CANDY HAIR”

“When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.”
Leviticus 19:something-something

The day is almost done and I can hear the cars rumble below my 11th floor office window. There is not much going on on this Saturday afternoon in the City. But, down South, a lot has been going on. Bernie Sanders headed to South Carolina after a successful run in Oregon last week, and Donald Trump in Alabama. While roughly 2,800 people showed up in South Carolina to hear the Socialist Democrat candidate speak about racial, wage, etc. inequality, an estimated 30k decided to fill the seats at Ladd-Peebles Stadium in Alabama to hear the Capitalist Republican (?) candidate speak about immigration and how the Bible is his favorite book.

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A 13 year old girl leaving the Bernie Sanders talk with her family said that the Youth was the Future of America and concluded: “So you have to start learning at a very young age what politics is all about and what needs to be done in this country to help everybody.” Get them while they’re young, they say. And why not. When I was in 4th grade, Mr Speich made us hold a mock presidential debate with questions from the class. And I was selected to be a Democrat presidential candidate and was asked about my stances on abortion and the Watergate Scandal. What the hell did I know at 9 years old? Not much. Not much, indeed.

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And the crowds couldn’t be any more different. People leaving the rally don’t seem very phased by the fact that Trump is offering limited insight into any proposals he might have or showing any real knowledge of Political World at all. One lady stated: “He’ll figure it out once he’s in there.” A man leaving the Trump rally went on about how he hopes Trump opens up a resort on the Mexican border. This resort would a vacation spot for those who like to hunt and for only $25 you could get a permit to shoot. But you wouldn’t be shooting animals in this man’s dream. No, no. You’d be shooting Mexicans. And the real kicker is that this man’s plan (or was it his plan for what Trump has for a plan?… It’s all getting too weird, too clouded–holy hell, where did that extra arm come from?!) would be an economic boost for America since you’d also be paid $50 for each kill. Why wouldn’t some landscaper want that? After all his candidate would rather call children born to undocumented immigrants “anchor babies” instead of “Americans,” which they technically and legally are.

Enough of that.

The latest polls have Sanders behind Clinton the Front-runner by a whooping 12 points. And no one is feeling too strongly about that in the Clinton camp. She has the name recognition and the “I’m-ready-for-a-female-president” vote, and the support of those who constantly say, “I like Sanders and what he says and I’d vote for him, but I don’t think he’s going to make it that far” vote. That last group of people always get me. The Political Game has already gotten them and they’ll always be played. What they will never understand is the power of momentum in this game and how you really have to get behind a candidate, mind and body. It worked for Jimmy Carter in 1976. He came out of nowhere and people were taken by surprise by this relatively unheard of Governor of Georgia. At the time, he was scoring only 2% on name recognition and many said he didn’t stand a chance against well known Democrats like George Wallace, who was paralyzed at the time and confined to a wheelchair.

Though, people are lazy and they don’t like to put much thought into this sort of thing. So we might as well toss out the whole “let’s get the momentum going” movement and just hope that some scandal will come out about Clinton. But it would have to be way more substantial than what is going on with Clinton’s email scandal since the media has already pretty much forgiven her. Hackers might have to publish a bunch of top-secret documents culled from the emails, for instance, or that she’s the one who actually smokes the cigars in the Clinton Household.

But, all in all, it is looking not so grim for Sanders. Just last night I was out for drinks with some colleagues and one of them stated, “I kind of like that one candidate, that candidate with the cotton candy hair.” Granted, we had to ask if he meant Trump at first, but he didn’t.

Signing off,
KGD