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“Those who fail to learn from the brutal stompings visited on them in the past are doomed to be brutally stomped in the future.”
– Raoul Duke, Christmas Eve 1972

MEMO FROM THE NATIONAL AFFAIRS DESK

DATE: AUGUST 8, 2015
FROM: KURT G. DOONESBURY
SUBJECT: THOUGHTS ON THE DEBATE; I’VE SEEN TOUGHER PITCHES AT A LITTLE LEAGUE GAME

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It’s been the talk of the town. One hour of pure entertainment, as some are calling it, with as much hype and crowd cheering as a professional boxing match sans $100 PPV purchase. And the general, overall feeling was that every candidate did OK, even well at times, except for Trump, who seemed to meet and/or exceed expectations given the odds against him. But I’ve seen tougher little league games. Ones that make this seem like child’s play. It was one of most talked about events in Politics in recent history, but it fell flat and ended up just being another Conservative Circle-jerk for the masses.

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KELLY: Dr. Carson, in one of his first acts as commander in chief, President Obama signed an executive order banning enhanced interrogation techniques in fighting terror. As president, would you bring back water boarding?

CARSON: Well, thank you, Megyn, I wasn’t sure I was going to get to talk again.

***

CARSON: What I agree with is that we need a significantly changed taxation system. And the one that I’ve advocated is based on tithing, because I think God is a pretty fair guy. And he said, you know, if you give me a tithe, it doesn’t matter how much you make. If you’ve had a bumper crop, you don’t owe me triple tithes. And if you’ve had no crops at all, you don’t owe me no tithes. So there must be something inherently fair about that.

But poor Ben Carson… He was more of an afterthought in the whole ordeal. He was able to muster some cheers and applause, but you got the feeling that the crowd was just being nice. But what do you expect. The man is a doctor with no real political experience other than being the Republican Party’s one token black friend. And leave it to doctor/Republican to come up with “tithe taxation.” “You make $10 billion,” he stated in the debate, “you pay a billion. You make $10, you pay one. And everybody gets treated the same way.”

Fair is fair, right? Though, taking a dollar from a man who only has 10 is a lot tougher and cruel than taking a billion from a man with $10 billion. Which puts Carson on my list for nominees for the Kuntian Ethics Award.

Luckily this prize is located only two hours south of Cleveland, so he could just swing by and pick it up...

Luckily this prize is located only two hours south of Cleveland, so he could just swing by and pick it up…

WALLACE: Gentlemen, we’re obviously digging into some subjects in depth, but we’re also going to change it up every once in a while throughout the next hour and have many rounds where we ask, you are not going to like it, only a couple of candidates questions on those subjects. This is the first of the many rounds, and it’s about somebody whose name probably hasn’t been mentioned enough so far tonight.

Governor Kasich, let me start with you. Whoever the Republican nominee —

(APPLAUSE)

WALLACE: Whoever the Republican nominee is, it looks at least for now like whoever that nominee is, he or she, will be facing off against Hillary Clinton. You know how she will come after whoever the Republican nominee is. She will say that you, whoever it is, support the rich while she supports the middle class. That you want to suppress the rights of women and minorities. She wants to move the country forward while you, the Republicans, want to take the country back to the past.

How will you, if you’re the nominee, how will you answer that and take Hillary Clinton on?

The drinking game starting to seem to not be such a hot idea after all. . .

The drinking game was starting to seem to not be such a hot idea after all. . .

Fox News came with a notebook full of loaded questions meant to come off as edgy and full of bite… the crowd ate them up with cheers and boos and wild applause. The first question of the evening was if anyone was planing on running as a third party candidate. Which was something coming direct from an interview gave Sean Hannity on July 27th on the very same station that was hosting the debate. The candidates were even directed a couple of times to raise their hand if they were and the question was repeated as if it had fallen on deaf ears. But it had really just taken Wallace a couple of tries before Trump caught on and took the bait. And that wasn’t the last time that the drones would play to the gallery.

The stage was set for Megyn Kelly to take a hop onto the high horse and ask Trump about his discourse on females. This too was met with cheers and applause and Kelly made show of being disgusted by Trump’s reaction. And it didn’t get any nicer or more civil between the two after the show.

Ho ho. But, it is hard to take Kelly seriously. After all she does work for a network that is notorious for being anti-feminism and dragging its viewers back to a time before women’s suffrage. The writers must have taken a page out of Mad Men‘s playbook and decided to run with it. One Fox News’ Outnumbered, all five hosts (4 females and 1 male) took on the topic and all came to conclusion that this was perfectly acceptable in today’s society. Just ask co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle. She said in the episode, “Let men be men, I just love them.” And followed up with, “Look, men are going to be that way. What can you do?”

Clueless as ever, co-host Stacey Dash stated she’s perfectly fine with men shouting sexual remarks in her direction because that’s what she grew up with. And she’d stay fine with that as long as they stayed arm’s length away. This was upstaged by frequent Fox News contributor, Arthur Aidala, who took this as his cue to demonstrate his beastly “move” that he uses on women. This “move” is basically just standing up and clapping bizarrely and pathetically at women as they walk by, which he states, women find “flattering.” At least, the majority, according to him, find flattering.

The hypocrite nonsense doesn’t end there. Andrea Tantaros of the same befuddling network once stated on air: “After you engage in a little horizontal hula, make him a sandwich. That’s not called 1950s. That’s called kindness. And frankly, I think women should do a little more of that.”

If Kelly is really going to be the bigger person when dealing with Trump about sexism, then why not just quit Fox News? Or hell, why not bring up that Scott Walker repealed pay equality when we’re bashing people over the head about sexism. Instead she’s standing in the limelight and enjoying the pats on her back and being called the Winner of the Debate. But, who cares. It’s about as meaningful as being the main attraction in a grade-A Freak Show.